Here is a rather interesting exchange I had with a client over chat a while back. I always like to have these kind of conversations because it helps me to really keep my thinking sharp and to clarify concepts. My comments are under RPQ.
2:10 AM E: i was just thinking the other day
y is picking up so foreign to me
i mean, im a human male, i should know what to do
but i dont
in the animal kingdom all the males pretty much know what to do
but why is it so hard with human courtship, especially for males???
2:11 AM men have trouble getting a girl and women have trouble keeping a guy
RPQ: that last part is because of conflicting interests.
2:12 AM Men don’t know how to pick up because our minds are focused and socialized away from our natural tendencies.
Especially smart, well educated men.
2:13 AM E: please elaborate if u can on the “focused and socialized away from natural tendencies” part
2:14 AM and also, even if its focused away, why arent girls also liek that? ie dont know how to get a guy
dont mean to trouble u with all these questions btw, if u need to go or anything let me know
RPQ: What makes people seductive is the more “animal” part of their nature. But we lose that through socialization.
2:15 AM E: ok…
that makes sense
RPQ: 1. girls aren’t as socialized away from their natural tendencies as men
2. for women, looks plays a major role.
E: how have men been socialized away?
2:16 AM RPQ: People are attracted to emotions…but most intelligent men are quite disconnected. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t have been able to focus on their studies.
That’s why atheletes tend to be better with women. They’re more “raw”
2:17 AM And if you watch chick flicks, which you should if you don’t you’ll see that it’s all about emotions.
I especially recommend: Titanic, Pretty Woman, Sex and the City, and Twilight.
2:18 AM Bridget Jones Diary
E: but i thought athletes got chicks cuz they were alpha males and looked good generally
RPQ: That’s right…but alpha maleness doesn’t fit in with academics.
2:19 AM E: but in those movies, dont circumstances play a major role? ie if im not on a sinking ship, im in a totally boring different situation
RPQ: Alphaness has a lot to do with power and drive.
the seduction happens loooong before the sinking part.
E: yup….so academics really nee $$ if they wanna be alpha
RPQ: $$ doesn’t make them alpha which is why they come to me.
2:20 AM E: REALLY???
RPQ: I’ve had at least one client who was a millionaire.
E: i thought $$ was the last resort of the game-less
RPQ: and he ran a porn site.
E: hahahahh lol
RPQ: That’s what everyone thinks, but then when they have it they realize it’s not enough.
It can be for some people though.
You’ll be able to attract gold diggers.
2:21 AM E: so then, if its raw animal emotions that make a man alpha, how do u get there?
and what is that like?
i dont even know
RPQ: That’s part of it.
Ok, so you would be a person who won’t have too much trouble.
2:22 AM taping into your inate alphaness
and the reason I know this is because you left your cushy situation to go after what you really want.
That’s one of the keys. Most people are doing what they are supposed to do even though they hate it. NOT Alpha at all.
2:23 AM That’s the virtual definition of beta…you’re a follower if you’re doing that.
E: yea i think i read or ehard that somewhere else too
like ur not “on ur path”
RPQ: Yeah…that’s probably from “The Way of the Superior Man”
E: possibly yea, but i think i heard it on one of david deangelo’s audio thingy’s
2:24 AM RPQ: ahhh, ok.
E: how do u focus that alphaness in an interaction
RPQ: I don’t.
2:25 AM Really you have to cut off your non-alpha tendencies.
So think like this.
When we’re born we’re all Alpha.
RPQ: How do we know? Because every baby takes what they want.
It’s only later that we learn to curtail these drives or learn they aren’t appropriate OR
2:26 AM RPQ: learn how to channel them in the right way so we do get what we want without rocking the boat too much.
And when I say “too much” that means not so much that people won’t give it to you.
2:27 AM or that you get smacked down going for it…
E: hahaha yup
RPQ: white collar crime would be an example of alpha behavior that will get you smacked down.
E: so essentially decide what u want and just take it?
ok besides crime obviously
2:28 AM RPQ: yup, but it’s not as easy as all that because most of us have mental blocks against taking what we want.
Deserving issues, guilt
E: but woudnt u still have to include that in an interaction with a woman?
RPQ: what do you mean?
E: like for instance, lets say at work i TAKE what i want
but, when i meet a chick
theres not much to TAKE
2:29 AM like…..i woudlnt suddenly take food off her plate etc
RPQ: you might if you wanted it.
E: how would u “cut off nonalpha” tendencies in the interaction itself to make it known ur alpha
hahaha i guess i could
RPQ: or you’d do what I do, which is lean forward and open my mouth
E: but if i dont wnat to take her food, what are more natural ways of asserting alpha
2:30 AM RPQ: Then what do you want in that moment?
That’s the point.
Feeling that it’s ok to have what you want in the moment.
Doesn’t mean you always do it, but you first have to have the feeling it’s ok.
2:31 AM E: ok….
RPQ: Like I used to feel bad about having sex with the first girl I regularly had sex with.
E: so get used to the alpha in ur bloodstream first?
RPQ: I felt bad because I didn’t “love” her.
But I wanted sex.
E: yea i get that guilt too
RPQ: I wasn’t promising her anything though, so she didn’t think it was more than a sex thing.
E: its worse for us asians….so much guilt
RPQ: It was a personal issue with not being ok with my desires.
2:32 AM I’ve since overcome that problem 😀
E: hahahah ok
so back to the alpha thing, ur saying get used to being alpha in general, in all circumstances
just get used to it
2:33 AM RPQ: yeah, you can’t be alpha “sometimes”. It’s not a switch.
E: take what u want, except when it could lead to a smackdown
RPQ: I’d say the first step is knowing that it’s ok to want whatever it is you want.
RPQ: That’s the real problem.
Part 2 is
E: yea ur right
but go an
2:34 AM on
RPQ: being able to motivate ourselves to take action towards what we want.
If you have the ability to do those things then you really do have CHOICE of how you lead your life.
RPQ: Because we have to make trade-offs. You can’t have everything.
E: im starting to see it
2:35 AM RPQ: And being smart people we can use our brains to figure out the BEST way to get what we want.
E: but….i still cant see how taht transaltes to attractiveness for a female
so basically ur like a cavemen taking whatevre the hell u want
RPQ: As in why is alphaness attractive to women?
2:36 AM E: kindof yea….think about it, shes sitting there iwth u, and ur just taking whatever u want, why the hell does she like u????
RPQ: Once again, it’s not the DISPLAY that matters(though selective displays are valuable) it’s the ALPHANESS itself that matters.
2:37 AM The display is like makeup, your inate alphaness is like natural looks in women.
2:38 AM so, be innately alpha and u’d be equivalent to a hot chick with no makeup
but if she still should put on makeup if she wants to have the best effect. And dress hot.
and go to the gym.
E: so i suppose, in every situaion, u know what ur doing, and when there are choices to be made, like either dinner or movie, YOU’d be choosing?
cuz ur alpha?
2:39 AM RPQ: yeah
But of course you can take what she wants into account.
Where you lose is when you do something you don’t want to do because you think she’ll like you more for it.
E: dont u worry about ur inner alphaness turning u into a chauvinist pig?
ok undestood, ur last statement is clearly correct, and very beta of the guy
2:40 AM RPQ: Think of the difference between big loser guy telling a girl he wants to give her a massage versus Brad Pitt.
E: so only do what she wants if its wat u want to do also
RPQ: One seems self-serving, while the other seems like he’s just a nice guy.
Or rather a guy who’s being nice
Clearly brad pitt isn’t doing it so the girl likes him. He’s doing it because he wants to.
2:41 AM That’s not to say that it can’t work if you’re beta, but it’s a very different frame.
2:42 AM u know
ive very rarely told a girl i like her
i think i havent been alpha enough to just say it
cuz its what i want
ive just been always trying to figure out if she likes me first
and then think about what to do
2:43 AM E: very calculative, thinking, thinking, then shes with another guy
i see it now
so if i like a girl i just tell her
dont think too much?
or will that spoil game a bit
2:44 AM and better to qualify first
RPQ: That’s a strategic decision, but the point is that you’re making that decision from a position of power and self-mastery, not fear.
2:45 AM E: ok…..so for now, even if i screw up the closing, at least make all decisions from the alpha-zone?
2:46 AM RPQ: yup.
E: thanks for clearing that up bro
RPQ: you’re welcome.